33. Finally... Paperback

The paperback became available today. Yay!

http://www.amazon.com/Sincerely-Michael-Olivia-Owens/dp/1484032543/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1365195035&sr=8-3&keywords=sincerely+michael

32. Sincerely, Michael

After months of work, Sincerely, Michael has finally made it online. It is now available on Amazon as an e-Book.

http://www.amazon.com/Sincerely-Michael-ebook/dp/B00C790HP0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365123716&sr=8-1&keywords=sincerely+michael

It will become available in paper format in about two weeks.

Yay!

31. Love...

Before going to bed, Michael says, "Mom, can you scratch my back?"

Me, grumbling, "Alright."

As I am scratching his back, Michael sighs, "I can't take it any more mom."

That doesn't mean he wants me to stop.

"You can't?" I say as I keep on scratching his back, "Why can't you take it any more?"

"Because I'm in love," says Michael with a sigh.

Whoa!!!

"You are? Who are you in love with?" (I know... I ended the sentence with a preposition).

He looks at me smiling, "You."

Ahhh... love....

30. Responsibilities...

Michael missed a week of school because he's been sick. We picked up his homework on Friday and he's been doing homework the whole weekend.

Michael's been dragging his feet... going to the bathroom, being tired, etc....

I got frustrated and said, "Michael you need to take care of your responsibilities and do your homework."

Michael looks at me with a frown, "Mom, YOU'RE not taking care of YOUR responsibilities."

"I am taking care of my responsibilities, by making sure you're doing your homework."

Silence. 

No comeback. 

THAT'S a miracle.

29. Diagnosis...

The other day we got an incident report from ACI. While jumping on the trampoline, Michael hit himself in the eye with his knee.

I asked him, "Honey, are you alright?"

"Yes mom, don't worry, I don't have any brain damage," he responds.

Ummm.... THAT'S good to know.

"I'm glad you're okay honey," I say laughing.

BRAIN DAMAGE??? It's not exactly a phrase we use around the house. At least he used it correctly.

28. Little White Lies...

A while go, this conversation took place between my son and I:

"Mom? How can Santa bring us presents? We don't have a chimney."

Crap... that's what I get for buying a newer house. Without a damn chimney.

"Well honey, Santa has Christmas magic so he can still come in even when we don't have a chimney."

Whew!!! He believed me.

Fast forward to today...

Today, for the millionth time, Michael asked me, "Mom, are dragons magic?"

For the millionth time, I answered, "Honey, magic is not real," hoping to finally put an end to the question.

"But Santa's magic is real."

Fuck. ME!

That's what I get for lying to my kid about Santa.

27. Not so Special After All...

I was driving Michael to school when we passed a horse ranch.
Three Clydesdales were standing in a line, behind one another.

I point them out to Michael "Honey look, those horses are standing in a line. Isn't that funny?"

"Why are they standing in a line?" asks Michael.

"I don't know, maybe they're smelling their butts" I say laughing.

"Ewww, that's disgusting."

Still laughing I ask Michael, "Do you know how doggies say hello?"

"How?"

"They smell each other's butts" I say, not knowing if this is really true.

"That's silly"

"I know" I say laughing, "you have a silly mama don't you."

"No."

"Well, do you think you have a funny mama?"

"No."

"What kind of mama do you have?"

"I have a REGULAR mama" Michael responds emphatically.

And here I thought I was special. So much for that.

26. Acrobatic Germs?

Michael was playing in my sink. Next to my sink, above the trash can is my towel.

Michael wiped his nose on my towel.

Frustrated, I say,  "Michael, don't wipe your nose on my towel. I use it for my face. I don't want your boogers on my towel!"

Michael responds calmly, "That's okay mom, the germs will jump in the trash can."

Allllright!!!!

After he finishes playing in the water, he wipes his hands on my towel.
I tell him "Michael, please put the towel in the laundry basket."

"Why?"

"Because it has your boogers on it."

Michael, again, responds calmly, "Don't worry mom, grandma will wash it in the washing machine."

The voice of reason... again...

25. Acceptance...

As I was driving Michael and Robert to autism school today, I see a large truck in front of us. A woman was driving it.

I was impressed, "Michael look at that huge truck. And a girl is driving it."

Michael is not impressed, "You're a girl and you drive."

"Well, yes, but I can't drive a big truck like that," I say.

"Yeah, but I've seen that before," says Michael still unimpressed.

"You know... you're kind of amazing," I say to him, impressed that he didn't find anything unusual about a woman driving a big truck, like I did.

Clearly, I need to learn a thing or two about the advancement of women in today's society.

"I know," answers my very humble son.

24. Sense of Entitlement...

"Michael, did you get any notes today?" I asked.

"No, I looked in my blue folder and I have no notes."

Whenever Michael does not listen to his teachers he gets a note in his folder, for misbehaving. We've been collecting quite a few. Alright, a few more than just a few.

"I am so proud of you Michael for listening to your teachers today," I say proudly and lovingly.

That feeling got crushed pretty quickly...

"But Mom, can I get something special because I didn't get any notes?"

"I'm sorry honey, you don't get something for doing the right thing."

"But I want something," whines Michael.

"Well, how about you get to watch a long movie this weekend," I respond.
Michael has not watched any tv this week. We're only watching tv on the weekends.

"I want something specialer than that."

Specialer... there's a word I haven't heard before, but I'll take it.

"How about we watch TWO movies this weekend?"

"No, I want something else."

"How about I make you spaghetti and meatballs?"

Frustrated, followed by a BIG sigh, "Mommmm!!!!"