17. The Voice of Reason...

I stop at a drive-thru to get Michael a chocolate shake. He loves chocolate shakes.
I see they also have sweet potato fries and I order some for myself.
I drive off and stop to pick up the mail.
As I am leaving the parking lot, I have to back up the truck.
I am eating a fry with one hand, and attempting to drive with the other.
I put the truck in drive and push on the gas. It does not move, but makes a very loud 'vroom' sound.
I realize the truck is in neutral, not drive.
Michael asks, “Mama, what is that noise?”
“Oh, mama can’t drive sometimes,” I respond.
“Well, put the French fry down and use both hands.”

My conscience... sitting in the back seat.

16. Girls, girls, girls...

I was lying down next to Michael at bedtime. 
We were talking and I asked him, “Michael, do you like girls?”
He just smiled.

I then asked, “Michael, when you grow up, are you going to chase girls?”

I was expecting a simple yes. That is not what I got.

“I wanna chase girls when they’re naked.”

Whaaaaaaaaaaat???

14. Apples and... Camels

Michael has been causing trouble at school during his afternoon class at recess He is great in his morning class, and at autism school.

I am so frustrated that this morning I asked him, "Michael, why do you cause trouble in Mrs. Blondin's class but not in Mrs. Seymour's class?"

I did not expect his answer, "Because Mrs. Seymour and Mrs. Valenzuela are BEAUTIFUL."

(Mrs. Valenzuela is also his morning teacher).

I'm thinking... what's that got to do with the price of eggs?

"Well honey... you don't listen to me either. What does that mean?"

Michael thinks about this for a second, then digs his way out of it, "Mom, you are beautiful."

That's my boy... I think...

But I still don't know how to make him behave in his afternoon class.

13. Ask a Silly Question...

Michael talks. A LOT...

He has talked to much today that I got tired. It is a miracle if he takes a breath between questions.

Before I went to bed, I asked him, "Honey, why do you talk to much?"
Without missing a beat, "Because I have a lot of questions."

Ask a silly question...

12. Whaaaat?

One day, when I picked up the boys from ACI, we came home on the freeway. As we were going over the Garden of the Gods bridge, there are these deep bumps in the road.
Every time we drove over one, we would sort of glide up and down; the boys would say "Whoa!!!"

After about four 'whoas' Michael says, "That makes my penis feel salty.'

I was sure I did not hear him right, "What did you say?"

Sure enough, he says, "That makes my penis feel salty."

"What do you mean your penis feels salty? How do you KNOW it FEELS salty?"

Michael is frustrated, "MOM, when we go over the bumps, we go fast and air goes inside my penis and it makes it FEEL salty?"

Whaaaaaat????

11. Curiosity May Kill the Mother

Michael is very interested in factual, scientific things.
He loves to watch open heart surgery on youtube.

His father and I promised we will try to always give the boys truthful answers.
We may have done this without realizing the repercussions.

Michael asked me one day, "Mom, how did I get in your tummy before I was born?"
I was not surprised by the question, "Well honey, mama has eggs and papas have seeds. The seed goes inside the egg, the egg hatches, and it makes a baby."
I did not want to say 'sperm.' I was not ready for my, then 4 year old, to know the term.
You  may think I explained it to him in a strange way, but it was the best I could do on such short notice.

Michael was satisfied with my answer.
I was, however, praying that he would not ask me HOW the seeds got into mama's eggs.

Fast forward about a year.

Michael asks me out of the blue, "Mom, how do the seeds get into mama's tummy to make a baby?"

I am literally thinking, "AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

I do not even remember my answer; but for once, changing the subject and not giving him an answer actually worked.

Michael has not asked me the question again, but I dread the day because I know it's coming.

10. Common Sense

Michael has a new book about snakes, lizards, and frogs.

We were reading it when we came across a frog where her babies live inside pouches on her back.
VERY disgusting and freakishly weird.

Anyway... as I am reading to Michael, I say, "Eww... this frog has babies living inside her back. That's disgusting."

Michael is puzzled, "Why is that disgusting? They're living in pouches."
My response is still, "It just looks icky and disgusting. Eww!"

(it really is disgustingly sick)

Michael then says, "But Mom, I lived in your tummy. Was that disgusting?"
Mom (thinking), 'uuuhhhhhh...'

THAT left me speechless. I certainly did not think of that, "Of course it wasn't disgusting."

Thank goodness he dropped the subject.

9. A Humble Individual

Over the weekend, Michael got a great haircut.

Michael walks into his classroom this morning and one of his teachers says to him "Michael I like your haircut. You look great."

Instead of saying "thank you", my humble son responds: "I know."

8. The Art of Eating Cake

7. Stating the Obvious

Michael loves to snuggle and sit in my lap.

One day, as Michael was sitting in my lap, he says “Oh, that was a little fart.”

Surprised, I asked, “Did you just fart in my lap?”

“No, I farted in my butt.”

That, my friends is true. I never thought of it that way.